Bullying is an old and widespread problem. Most of us can recall episodes of bullying that we, or our classmates,were subjected to during our school years. Research estimates indicate that the problem affects far more students than teachers or parents are aware of. A recent study of 1,041 students in four Toronto area schools (Grades K-8) showed that the proportion of children who reported being victimized more than once or twice over the term was between 12 and 15 percent. The proportion of students who reported having bullied others more than once or twice over the term ranged from 7 to 9 percent.

There are many effective strategies for parents who wish to stop bullying. An important starting point is to realize that much bullying occurs without the knowledge of teachers and parents, and that many victims are very reluctant to tell adults about their problems with bullying. They may be ashamed to be a victim, and they are afraid that adults cannot or will not help to resolve the situation. They may have been threatened with retaliation if they tell.

Also, adults must re-examine some of their own beliefs in regard to interpersonal behavior before they can intervene effectively. Many teachers and parents tell children not to "tattle," and to resolve their problems themselves. In the bullying situation, though, there is a power imbalance of some kind that ensures the victim always gets the worst of the interaction. The victim and bully both need intervention in order to stop the pattern.

Some important strategies in stopping bullying are: providing good supervision for children; providing effective consequences to bullies; using good communication between teachers and parents; providing all children opportunities to develop good interpersonal skills; and creating a social environment which is supportive and inclusive, in which aggressive, bully behavior is not tolerated.

Research shows that kids who can make decisions, problem-solve and calm down in stressful situations and everyday tasks are more likely to do better in school and become successful adults. Try the healthy techniques below to help yourself, or your child, deal with challenges in a positive way.

How to Calm Yourself Down:

1.      Stop and Think.

2.      Ask Yourself:

         How does my body feel?

3.      Try:

         Taking three deep breaths

         Counting backward slowly

         Thinking calm thoughts

         Talking to yourself

How to Solve Problems:

            1.  What is the problem?

2.      What are some solutions?

3.      For each solution, ask yourself:

         Is it safe?

         How might people feel about it?

         Is it fair?
         Will it work?

4.      Choose a solution and use it.

5.      Is it working?          Yes

         If not, what can I do now?

What to Do When You Are Angry:

            STOP and THINK.

            1.  Ask yourself:

         How does my body feel?

2.      Try to calm down by:

         Taking three deep breaths

         Counting backward slowly

         Thinking calm thoughts

         Talking to yourself

3.      Think out loud to solve the problem.

4.      Think about it later.  Ask yourself:

         Why was I angry?  What did I do?  What worked?  What didn’t work?  What would I do differently?  Did I do a good job?   

The skills above are elements of the Second Step violence prevention curriculum, which is taught in most Livingston County schools and supported by Genesee Valley Health Partnership. For more information, please call (585) 615-4381.